Funky Monkey's Funeral Food

My girlfriend, The Sushi Snob, and I went to the opening of the Funky Monkey wine store "Vault" this Friday night, opening just down the street from the original Funky Monkey Wine Company on Mills and Marks St.

Let me tell you something about Funky Monkey: they've grown immensely in a small amount of time. I've eaten at both restaurants, Funky Monkey Wine Company (FMWC) and Bananas: A Modern American Diner (a.k.a. the place with the $100 brunch and the Sunday morning drag queens).

FMWC had a nice vibe and mediocre, overpriced food (to be honest, I don't even remember what I ordered).

Bananas had great food and a really uncomfortable atmosphere. Not because of the drag queens. I LOVE drag queens, even though they want nothing to do with me because I'm a straight white girl. The actual building and restaurant is designed horribly and accommodates the most amount of people in the smallest space possible. Which sounds like a good thing if you're a restaurant owner, not if you're eating.

Anyway, the big story is that the kids at Funky Monkey are opening two new restaurants in the very near future: Nick's Italian Kitchen and Prickly Pear. So, in the time it usually takes a good restaurant to get on its feet, Funky Monkey is going to have five restaurants and a wine store. Kind of a lot, yes? If you were these guys, you'd probably let a few things slip, too.

Inside the Vault. I kind of thought there would be more people.

They let this opportunity slip.

The opening of the Vault was a PRIME opportunity for Funky Monkey to promote their new restaurants with tasting portions of new dishes, appetizers and desserts for the new restaurants. I was hoping for that. Nick's has been promoting itself as a "non-traditional" Italian restaurant, but I wanted to see it before I forked out for it. I wanted to see what kind of American Southwest fare Prickly Pear was going to be shelling out. At the very least, I wanted to meet the chefs.

Nothing doing. Look at this ridiculousness. Horrible fried green beans. Cucumber with smoked salmon and masago. Meatballs drenched in sauce. Unrecognizable fritterlike blobs. Devilled eggs.

Yes, I said it. DEVILLED EGGS.

Not that there's anything wrong with devilled eggs...they're just not what you would expect from a company ready to launch two new dining "hot spots," y'know?

Maybe Chili's catered?

Just because you put masago roe on it doesn't make it fancy.

I have no idea what these were. They didn't look worth the calories.

Yes, I'm serious.

Funeral food. Hopefully, this event wasn't the funeral for Funky Monkey's overzealous franchise.

Let the hate comments begin!